I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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