the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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