Me. At least after what I've been through.
time to smoke my breakfast
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
