the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize