I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I think i got beer on your cat.
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