we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
