P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
