Don't make out with my wife yet
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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