Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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