I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
