Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
