he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
