I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
