She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
