I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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