you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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