I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
