I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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