why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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