K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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