I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
