Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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