she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
