Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
