I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
