in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
