There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
