I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
how does that bad decision feel?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
