please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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