The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
