my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
