Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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