You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
