I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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