Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
