Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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