I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
