Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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