What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
