A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
