its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
