guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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