yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize