im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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