wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
