mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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