He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
