1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
