This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
