well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
