My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
