i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
