btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
