i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
