Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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