How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
