I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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