I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize