have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
