And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
