Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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