Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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