It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
