dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
