how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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