he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize