You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
