I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
zippers are such a cool invention
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
