It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
