I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
